Dopamine
by Broadway007
Summary: One-shot with tags to Tears of a Clown. Maura finds a way to get a clean break from Jane and her engagement to Casey but clean breaks aren't always as easy as people hope they are.


**Hello, there! Not too much of an Author's Note here—I've decided to put Listening to Her Intestines on hiatus for now and this is just a little one shot that hit me upside the head last night. I'll be writing a Rizzles wedding to follow up Blind in a little bit, so look out for that!**

**This is set after Tears of a Clown when all of our hearts broke and our corneas were covered in foreign bodies.**

**Enjoy!**

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It had been 13 days since leaving Jane alone in the lab after realizing her best friend would be leaving her.

It had been 10 days since Ian knocked on her door to tell her stories of the new clinic he'd opened in Zimbabwe.

It had been 8 days since Ian slid a ring onto her left hand after asking her to marry him and work together at the new clinic.

Maura sighed as she went over the sudden drastic change of her life's direction as she pulled dresses from her expansive closet and folded them into a large box. She knew the expensive clothing would not be suitable for a life in Zimbabwe so she planned to sell them to high end consignment shop in Boston and use the money to purchase more practical clothing.

She groaned as the large diamond of her newest piece of jewelry snagged onto the lace of a dress yet again. The ring was truly lovely but much larger and far more gaudy than she would have preferred. A younger version of Maura might have appreciated the large diamonds but her current self felt as though the ring weighed a ton on her lithe finger.

"Maura?"

The medical examiner's eyes widened as she heard Jane calling her name from her living room. She hadn't had anything more than a work related conversation with Jane since Ian proposed and she began to make arrangements for Dr. Pike to take over as the medical examiner until a new chief medical examiner could be appointed. Maura slowly pulled the door to her walk in closet closed, leaving it open just an inch before moving towards the back of the closet to stand still. She knew hiding was cowardly, especially hiding in her closet, but she needed to make a clean break from Jane.

"Maura?" Jane said again, this time from within Maura's bedroom. Maura moved a hand to her heart, feeling it race beneath her fingers as she attempted to calm her nerves. "Maura, I don't know where the hell you are but you better have a real good explanation as to why Pike was at my crime scenes the past week and why Susie babbled for a solid minute before telling me I should as you why you've been MIA from the morgue for the past week," Jane thought out loud as she saw no sign of Maura in her bedroom or her en suite bathroom.

Just as Jane moved to leave Maura's bedroom, a buzzing noise came from Maura's walk in closet. Maura's eyes widened as she heard her phone vibrate to alert her of a text message from its resting place on a shelf, the noise surely giving her position away.

"Really, Maura?" Jane asked as she pulled the door to Maura's closet open and saw the back of Maura. Maura wore a pair of dark skinny jeans and a cream colored sleeveless blouse, surprising Jane since she so rarely saw the doctor in jeans. But that didn't deter her in the slightest. "Hiding in your closet?"

"I wasn't hiding," Maura said as she kept her back to Jane but began to pull clothing from her hangers once again.

"Right," Jane scoffed. "You were just standing in here with the door closed and totally oblivious to me calling your name. Not hiding at all."

"There's no need to be so rude, Jane," Maura said as she spun around and moved to brush past Jane and exit the closet. But Jane was quick and threw her arm out, blocking Maura's exit path. "What are you doing?" Maura asked.

"I'm waiting for you to tell me why the hell you've been MIA for the past week. Why I've had to deal with Pike and Susie has been even more nervous around me and Cavanaugh seems to know something that I don't know," Jane said as she looked into Maura's eyes.

"It's nothing of importance," Maura stated as she gripped Jane's forearm and attempted to push it down so she could exit the tense closet.

"What is on your finger?" Jane asked as the large ring caught the light and she saw the jewelry for the first time.

"It's a ring, Jane," Maura replied. "Something I know that you are familiar with," she added as she nodded towards the engagement ring on Jane's own hand.

"Why are you wearing a diamond ring on your left hand?" Jane asked. "Usually that's reserved for engagement and wedding rings."

"I am very much aware of that," Maura said with a forced smile as she once again tried to escape Jane's interrogation. "Is it so hard to believe that perhaps you are not the only one who has found a man who wishes to marry you?"

"What?"

"I am engaged, Jane," Maura stated simply as she took advantage of Jane's shock at her admission and was able to push her arm down and slip away. "Ian has asked me to marry him and join him at his newest clinic," she added as she entered her bedroom and walked to her dresser,

"Good one, Maura," Jane snorted as she watched Maura begin to sift through her drawers. "Better watch out for those hives, though."

"Excuse me?" Maura asked, spinning around to face Jane. "You think that I'm lying about Ian proposing?"

"I mean, kinda," Jane said. "It just seems kinda odd that less than 2 weeks after Casey proposing to me you've all of a sudden got a ring of your own. A gigantic, kinda tacky ring but a ring none the less," Jane shrugged.

"You need to leave, Jane," Maura stammered, unable to believe what Jane was implying.

"Oh, but I thought you were the one who was leaving," Jane said as she gestured to the boxes in Maura's bedroom and the suitcases she had lined up.

"I am," Maura said. "Ian has opened a new clinic in Zimbabwe and we will be leaving to live there shortly. As husband and wife," Maura added as she fiddled with the ring on her finger.

"And you were planning on telling me when…?"

"I didn't think it mattered all that much," Maura admitted. "You will also be leaving Boston to be with Casey so my departure shouldn't matter. I do apologize for my lack of disclosure."

"So, what?" Jane asked as she put her hands on her hips and looked at Maura. "Someone asks to marry me, there is a possibility that I'll leave Boston, and so you decide to jet set to Africa? Without telling anyone?"

"I told those who needed to know," Maura shrugged. "And I am not leaving Boston because you're leaving. I am leaving because Ian has asked me to marry him."

"Right," Jane laughed harshly as she eyed Maura with disbelief.

"Leave, Jane," Maura demanded.

"Why?" Jane pushed.

"Because best friends aren't supposed to snort when the other gets engaged!" Maura snapped as she clenched her hands into fists, trying to contain her emotions.

"Oh, right. They're supposed to scurry off to their office while complaining about foreign bodies in their corneas. How could I forget?"

Jane didn't register Maura's quick movements until she felt the sting of a slap on her cheek. Jane looked into Maura's eyes, seeing them transform from fiery with rage to shock at what she had just done.

"Jane…" Maura trailed off as her brain caught up with her body.

"Thanks for not hitting me with the hand wearing that huge rock," Jane chuckled as she let her eyes fall to the large ring on Maura's left hand.

"You…" Maura said softly. "You're welcome."

"I didn't think you wanted a diamond engagement ring," Jane said just as softly. "You told me once that you wanted to go scuba diving or whatever with your fiancé and find a pearl together that you'd then have placed on your engagement ring. I thought that was still the case…"

"It is," Maura said as she remembered how she had once dreamed of diving with her loved one to find a pearl for a ring. "But Ian proposed with this ring and he kept saying how he spent so long trying to find the perfect ring for me. How was I supposed to tell him that this is nowhere near perfect?"

"How about you say 'Hey, Ian. This ring is freaking huge and not the type of ring that I want to wear for the rest of my life. Plus the diamond was probably mined by slaves in Africa where we'll be living. So, how about we go exchange it?'"

Maura laughed at the idea of telling Ian she wanted to exchange the ring he claimed to have spent so much time picking up.

"Come on, Maura," Jane pressed on. "Why the hell were you just gonna leave without telling me anything?"

"I needed a clean break," Maura admitted as she averted her eyes away from Jane's powerful gaze.

"From who?" Jane probed.

"From you!" Maura exclaimed, suddenly wishing she hadn't.

"You needed a clean break from me?" Jane asked, desperately hoping for clarification.

"Yes," Maura said. "I tried so hard to be happy for you, Jane. Really, I did. I tried to be happy that Casey was back and in near perfect health and was cleaning your fridge and ensuring you eat breakfast and taking you to lunch when you were too stressed to remember to eat. I tried to be happy that you were getting married to a man you love. But…I failed, Jane. I failed and I can't stand failing. So when Ian reappeared and asked me to marry him, I knew that I could escape my failure here in Boston cleanly and without fuss."

"Do you love him?" Jane asked, knowing that a question like that could end in disaster.

"He loves me and wants me," Maura stated. "I suppose in time I could learn to love him like I did all those years ago," she added.

"I sure as hell hope so," Jane spat. "Because that is his ring on your finger and unless you learn to love him, your wedding day is gonna end in hives and a trip to a Zimbabwe hospital."

"I don't love him!" Maura shouted suddenly, unable to keep anything bottled up inside of her any longer. "There! I said it. Are you satisfied?"

"A little bit, yeah," Jane said with a soft smile.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," Maura demanded angrily.

"I don't love him either," was Jane's reply.

"Thank you for your insightful thoughts on my romantic relationships," Maura snapped.

"I wasn't talking about Ian," Jane said as she sat down on the edge of Maura's bed and began to fiddle with her own engagement ring. "I was talking about Casey."

"What?"

"I guess we're more similar than we thought," Jane said with a forced laugh.

"What do you mean by that?" Mara asked as she, too, sat down at the edge of her bed next to Jane.

"I'm failing, too," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders as though no further explanation was needed.

"I'm not sure I understand," Maura admitted.

"Well," Jane said, taking a deep breath like Maura always told her was a way to center herself. "You were failing in your attempts to be happy for me and Casey meanwhile I was failing in my attempts to stop falling in love with someone who isn't Casey."

"Oh," was all Maura could say.

"'Oh' is right," Jane scoffed as she pulled Casey's ring from her finger and began to toss it between her two hands.

"So, there's someone else?" Maura asked.

"Kinda," Jane admitted. "There's someone who I've come to care for very deeply and somehow ended up in love with. They don't know it, though. I've tried to stop falling for this person for quite some time but I just kept failing because I swear I fall a little harder every day. So I thought that, by marrying Casey, I could make a clean break from my failure. Like you're gonna do by marrying Ian."

"You should tell him you love him," Maura said with a soft smile. "Not Casey," she clarified, "the other man you've fallen in love with. Maybe he loves you like you love him and making a clean break isn't necessary."

"Complicated," was all Jane said as she flopped into a laying position on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Jane," Maura said as she allowed herself to lie down next to Jane and turn her head to look at the detective. "Love really isn't as complicated as people make it out to be. It's just simple brain chemistry with things like dopamine, serotonin, and a handful of other positive hormones."

"I don't wanna ruin my friendship with this person by telling them how they make my dopamine levels go all wonky," Jane sighed as she threw an arm over her eyes.

"Well, I personally think that this person would be incredibly dumb to not want to be in a romantic relationship with you, especially if you told them how wonky they make your dopamine levels," Maura said with a smile.

"Well, you are the dumbest genius I know."

Maura shot back up into a sitting position and turned to look down at Jane whose face she saw had turned into a sort of grimace thanks to her admission.

"What?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper.

"I said," Jane began as she pulled her arm away from her face and propped herself up onto her elbows, "that you are the dumbest genius I know."

"Jane…" Maura trailed off, her brain finally connecting the dots Jane had set up. "I'm the one who makes your dopamine levels go all wonky?" she asked, desperately hoping to hear a confirmation from Jane.

"Yeah," Jane confirmed as she allowed herself to lift her gaze up to meet Maura's.

In an instant, Maura's hands were cupping Jane's face and her lips were pressed against the detective's. Jane was momentarily stunned but soon threaded her fingers in Maura's hair as she relaxed back down onto the bed, bringing Maura with her.

"What about Ian?" Jane asked when the two women pulled away to gasp in the oxygen their lungs had been deprived of.

Maura simply smiled as she pulled the gaudy ring from her finger and threw it across the room, not caring where it landed. Jane laughed at Maura's arched eyebrow and took Casey's ring and threw it in the same direction that Maura has just thrown Ian's.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," Maura said as she swung a leg over Jane's hips to straddle her before pressing a kiss to the lips she had dreamed of for years. "I'll tell him that I've found someone who makes my dopamine levels much more wonky than I ever thought possible."

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**Aaaaaand this is kinda shitty but I hope that at least one person enjoyed it!**


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